Everyones able to grow emotionally. Its purposeful. My husband thinks it is completely crazy and my mom doesnt like him because he has always set boundaries and doesnt even know what a boundary is. Add your answer to this question! I want to say this. as some currently going through this same thing only Im the ex..Im the one pushed out of the circleI was never given a clear reason why, even as to why she left. Yet his mom still chose her. His loss, for sure. This is for you to get over, not for them to change. Its tough because you cant make them not stop seeing each other. No matter who left who the end of a marriage is painful and I can tell you from first hand experience that having your family still show affection to your ex and take sides is heartbreaking. you are divorced because this man has hurt you so by your family hanging out with him and being okay with him, is the same thing as saying he was okay to hurt you. I agree. I know exactly how you feel. I want all of your contacts so we can all be friends . My mother and I are not talking over this because I feel totally betrayed by her.. Its ridiculous and so disrespectful. I commend my mom for standing strong. I would move to another town find a man with a good family and leave them suckers with him basically they blame you for you two not being together and they like him better, it would all fall apart if you walked up in there with a guy way better looking with a good job a nice ride and he just stay close and support you during a gathering then the kids get to know him you guys go do things together you just need to move on to someone great!!!! Grow the hell up and act like an adult it isnt about you anymore its about your kids. Those of us who have experienced this situation intrinsically know that it is NOT normal, natural behaviour of your own flesh and blood x. Theres nothing wrong with them remaining in contact with him. Paying for the Ex lawyer is such a betrayal in my eyes. We use your sign-up to provide content in the ways you've consented to and improve our understanding of you. contact dr peter today for any spell , death spell , love spell , money spell , deliverance spell , healing spell,spell to remove black magic out of your life , family and marriage, I need to cut ties woth my oldest ex boyfriends and family am i bring unreasonable no. 10 Simple Tips To Quickly Get His Attention Back, 15 Simple Tips To Overcome Relationship Anxiety Forever, The FWB Myth: Why Friends With Benefits Only Cause Women Pain, Is He Still In Love With His Ex? I divorced my ex and he went to my family and told them all kinds of lies and strories about how he was so hard done by . My sister and I never got along or were close. And while I can certainly live without the likes of her, its my parents going along with it that hurts the most. This woman took my husband which was a total POS but now she is taking my family away from me as well. Thats contact. I am glad that I stumbled across your post because it made me not feel alone to this topic! She told me that with all her might and energy she would see to it that the Id never have a relationship. etc. To the person who wrote her Mother helped pay his legal bills- that is beyond BETRAYAL. There is no jealousy because my partner knows that we are totally platonic, and that comfort came about after a series of frank and honest conversations. Now its out of your control. well got a 7 year sentence but knock down to 4 yrs with my testimony. And I still get along with his family. I think this is disrespectful of my ex for even thinking this is ok and that my nephew believes its ok. The best revenge is a life well lived, so show your ex that you are whole and happy even around him by getting the support you need. Are you also welcome to join? Because my family are friends with our exsmy husband and I. To this day he now has befriended my last sister that I had connection to and to whom I was the closest. To my mind, we can be civil and cordial, well be attending their kids graduations and weddings, but.shes been invited to Christmas and Im upset for my brothers sake. When I got a divorce my family continued to have a relationship with my ex. Perhaps they are jealous you have left a toxic relationship? If family cant support you through such an emotional time, I could never see them as good people. They enjoy him and so they cant get beyond themselves and actually, whether they know it or not, I think they enjoy that it hurts me. Suck it up and go with the flow it cant be that bad. Some if these families sound so toxic. Its disrespectful and painfuland definitely wouldnt be tolerated if the shoe were on the other footbut any form of bringing it up is never taken seriously, Youre absolutly NOT unreasonable! I have told him that its painful for me to see her accepted as a member of the family and that he still has a close relationship with her. It seems mine and many other families are full of people like Theresa! On the other hand, my daughters father, who I didnt marry, is still extended family to my whole family and Im still family to his. x. I feel the same way. Please validate my feelings. Need help with your relationship? I feel like I do everything I can to help my kids and always try to look at things from other points of views, but I dont think I should have to choose to either give up my family or spend so much time (including every holiday) with my ex-husband. The same goes for texting her. I ate a little wasnt really hungry. My therapist said I hurt because my family will never be what I wish it was. Staying friends with exes is one thing, but staying friends with their families is something completely different. The turmoil that this brings is almost unbearable, how do we cut off our parents? There are also ways to stay in touch with an ex's family without staying friends, if that's something you're interested in. Why would my siblings request and maintain friends with my ex family when my siblings know how much this bothers me. At this point, I cant wait to get married and move away; he can have the kids. I guess Im just trying to say, Im so, so sorry for the anguish, hurt, betrayal and sadness I hear in these stories and in my own. Im so sad to hear so many of us are suffering the same thing. He has moved in with her and her family. Youre their (blood) family. I felt there was manipulation as the motive, but I could not tell my boyfriend what to do. Im trying to remember and reflect on the example that Jesus gave Even his own brothers didnt believe what he said, and thought he was crazy. She did not always tell the truth. I encourage each of you to take some classes do the research its far healthier to respect your ex and their gf/bf/so than to sit and bitch about them. So, if you and your ex are okay with the way things worked out, even after a breakup, then its more likely that youll be able to befriend each others families." He didnt even see or contact our girls for am entire year. My family like yours just couldnt see what the problem was but it IS toxic and it is dysfunctional. Grow up! I wont go to any of those functions because I can not be in the same room as my ex especially if he is with his girlfriend. These two guys were never super close. My marriage ended after 43years of marriage. "text": "I feel like an emotional mess and cry any time I think about how my family keeps meeting my ex. He is a narcissist and after therapy I found thats what they do! His ex is still in your lives by hanging out with his family and she's being talked about in front of you. You deserve a supportive family and are not alone in this. Is it just that they have fun together and like to joke around? They will see what you did for them. And the fact that you and her family talk about her and her mental illness is gross. no .. but it still boils down to respect, and what you allow I think its too late for to me to make any changes. My advice to you, is that if it gets BROUGHT UP during conversation, do not be afraid to state your real feelings. By this time my ex was going thru the motions of pretending to want me to get back with my daughter, but it was smoke and mirrors. They still love each other.. thats still her mom and she will always b our moms daughter.. oh did I forget to mention shes my sister I probably also for got to left me for our father.. Maybe its because you never explained why you feel so negative towards your ex, but you genuinely sound like a bad person. Unless, he was a criminal, wife/child abuser, you have no right to ask everyone else to just throw him down the toilet like a used toilet paper after knowing him for at least (probably more than) 13 years. It doesnt have to be divided because yall separated. i told him ill help hom get throu he wanted me 2 b at his sentences hearing 2 b a creatable witness on his b half say something good bout him it help knock down his time basically he wanted me 2 lie 2 the judge . Am I wrong to feel this way? I would be careful, people like this are often working long term on things they may or may not chokse to bring to the surface. Why put the hurt in your face? Its not okay for them to have family fun with your whole family and you ex and his new girlfriend minus you. What Went Wrong? Dont feel bad Suzie. I have told her for almost a year, that our divorce is not our kids fault and that NO MATTER what, we are their family, those are our kids and one day they will have kids, now we are grandparents. Now i work with children and I know its a fact. Its very tough to pretend. No one would believe the truth about him, but my kids and I witnessed it all. Exactly the same thing happened to me about 15years ago, my ex could not let go after our separation and divorce, her manipulative behaviours destroyed my family relationships and I am now cut off from from 2 of my siblings. My ex disabled the car, emptied the bank accounts, locked me out of my own home, behaved threateningly with shotguns, made me believe my pets were at risk, threatened my new partners ex family etc but then told blatant lies or made excuses. What a joke and your sister is a freaking joke ! Their only excuse, its not about me or my kids and I need help if I cannot see that. Prayers for you. I figured they felt hurt for me. He wanted to maintain his relationship with my family but I clearly told him and my family no. Also, if your boyfriend was previously married, he might keep the pictures of his ex-wife. Why why why would YOUR family think its ok to spend holidays (of all things) together! I was honest too honest! Its what she wants. I am not on FB and do not have a close relationship with any of my family, neither did he when we were married for 3 decades! Id cry, too (and have!) Thats not such a big deal and nothing to worry about. Maybe you should seek therapy and find happiness and respect for yourself! My adult daughter came in town with their children to visit when the day came they were visiting their father they took MY FATHER with them out for dinner & drinks. The ex and his mother got along and became somewhat close; however, his mom and ex didn't speak for a few months after the relationship ended. He said, everyone said you were going to take money, I said, funny, you were the one that did, I was trying to be fair. Validation is so refreshing. Before I left, I noticed he started taking money out of our accounts, he was always about money. After living in a marriage made in hell. Sometimes I think its a way to stay close to your ex spouse. You can read all about it here if you dont believe me. Because this would be a decision she wanted to make, and all I want is for her to be happy. Who does that? They have every right to continue their relationship though people are not disposable many in this world are to quick to throw someone away and no one has the right to ask another person to do that. Its a sick, sick way of him controlling my life. Whether it's romance, friendship, family, co-workers, or basic human interaction: we're here to help! supporting them all) he's been doing on autopilot for the last 30 . He said he was working on himself as he went through several women and moved in with the last one months after meeting her. He also has a girlfriend now. A family fallout last year saw my brother not even meet up with me when he was holidaying close to my home. They feel they have to keep things going with her in order to see the kids. what should I do? Your family was not offended by him, you were. They just didnt get the emotional trauma I had gone through. The ex has lied and charmed our former friends and my only sisters husband into believing him. Ive maintained a painful relationship with my whole family throughout all this for the sake of my kids but now Im wondering if walking away would have been better for my emotional health. I hope they are all happy. His ex and family are all still mutual on Facebook so when I see his family post, she comments and so I checked her page to see if they were also commenting on her stuff and sure enough they were. My ex was invited to my nieces wedding ten years later & I was not. My dad took off then and got remarried, moved 2 states away and kind of dropped out of my life to a degree. My brother would not uninvite him to his wedding and i didnt go as i was scared of my ex and so hurt by my brother. My family did the same thing and I was blindsided. I do NOT understand why family does not support family and you and your feelings should be the priority, not your ex. I feel its sooo wrong I cut ties with some family members over the same issue. My ex comes from a big family (he is the youngest of 7) and his family lives close by but it is like he is trying to get back at me by ruining my family ties and hurt me even more by friending ex boyfriends. I dont know how or feel the strength to be done with them. Say that the situation makes you feel uncomfortable and you worry theyll never accept you fully while the ex is still around. Its quite obvious youre the problem here. It takes two to make a relationship work and I hate this stereotype of if someone left they deserve poor treatment and the person who stayed is the victim. OMGI thought I was the only one who had gone going thru this. They say they want to mind their own business yet they obviously get some kind of sick satisfaction in stirring up trouble and further heartache for their own flesh and blood. If I say anything, then all future visiting will be drained by that cloud of despise. I went through my divorce alone, all the while thinking how lucky my oldest sister was to have us behind her, emotionally (the most important part) and financially (my parents) in her divorce. I think its lovely you are worried about your brother your family risk alienating him by their behaviour which basically means they are choosing her over him. I was better off when we werent speaking. I also was tired of being controlling and such to my family. My family is highly toxic , mentally ,physically abusive . Its shattering. Not side with the ex. It doesnt matter if they liked him, or any other nonsense. Those are his kids just like they are yours. It is an extremely difficult situation. They need to see your perspective. One of my sons, brother, sister and brother-in-law have kept in touch with him and visited with him. My boyfriend's ex is still close with his mother. He let her what it would cause, that itd be disrespectful, hurtful if she did it. I have been assaulted by the brother and give a verbal spray by the sister after I disclosed I had brain tumors and an aneurysm requiring treatment and surgery. All of which know what he did to me in cheating on me while I was pregnant and living a double life and fomenting me to no end, yet still they like all his posts, gush over his pics with my son. I deal with the same thing. Opposite of love is indifference. Take care of yourself. It doesnt make it any less painful. I find them disrespectful and they dont care about our feelingsalways trying to cause trouble in our marriage. Thats YOUR stuff. "If you are dating someone else, and that person is uncomfortable with the fact that youre having Thanksgiving with your ex and his or her family, then it can be a roadblock to a new relationship," Masini says. Hes not just a random bf, that would be different. His family is nice to me, but they love her. Your boyfriend still has photographs of his ex-girlfriend on his phone and still clings to things that was gifted to him by her when they were in a relationship. In todays age people throw around abuse and narcissist like it going out of style. over you. Regardless Id be willing to bet its very painful for your ex when her family cozies up to her ex like that. Try to follow your faith and ask the question to God and family in addition to seeking advice in a forum. I always just wanted peace but they all want to control me . Thats how beyond myself I am!!! What hurts most is theyve held me as Ive cried through all of this. To one of the commenters, if he was a good person, he wouldnt be abusive! Thank god I have the love of a good man now. But that was not my fault, but I still look at it sadly.. But I think that for the sake of emotional growth, you should not create more space between yourself and your family and begin to heal. I would tell my sister about the emotional abuse I was going through with him and she would change subjects. I even think something happened between ex and my sister. I have stopped working over 5 months ago since I started getting money from this money spell LORD SAN did for me. I believe extended families develop these close relationships with ex spouses just to inflict hurt and pain. I could no longer be a part of this. I dont feel you are in the wrong. Apparently they like him better than they like you and are willing to sacrifice you for him, which is a whole different therapy session, but if you want your family back, you have to make him and his new girlfriend be the ones to decide that it just feels weird to be part of YOUR family any longer. No. This sounds like my situation please tell me more I so am looking for answers. Your family needs to set boundaries. Even though I was physically scared of him and he had attacked an ex before my brother basically said we had to leave our problems at the door and did I really think my ex was going to do anything to me?! Your family shouldnt have let him do that. She works hard at keeping a Hand Out. Im Mrs. Dulce Beverly from the United States, I want to share a testimony of my life for each one. Your family sound like they are overstepping boundaries. You cant change them but you can change yourself. He gets upset when his ex is dating someone new, 7. There needs to be compromise. As my kids have grown. I mixed nations they claim and am damed to hell This sounds like the ex has gone out of his way to include himself in the family. Last week's column is here. Nina and Toms sister are very close so I get her being over at their house and attending family events, but it makes me bitter how much they like her. If she doesnt, you know that she doesnt have your back 100%. Nothing will replace my now adult children, those relationships and What might have been. But I no longer see myself as a victim. Good luck <3. He and I dont communicate much at all although I am very respectful when I need to email him, but my daughter says she thinks he hates me and there is evidence of that. I found his car key I took off with it but came back to find him coming outside. This is a disregard of a sister, daughter and family member. Constance. Apparently they still get along and share a history together. 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